On a somewhat brighter note...

My friend had this on her facebook status today

"Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness." Dieter Uchtdorf

Reminded me of being in seminary and learning to liken scriptures and doctrine to our current lives and current situations.

I may not understand what is to be gained from my present struggles but everything happens for a reason and the Lord will never give me more than I can handle.




Now, did I mention how much I love having a baby around again?  I can hardly believe I won't ever do this again because it's just bliss!  It helps that I'm incredibly blessed when it comes to babies, calm, happy, non-colic-y babies.  I'm in big trouble down the road when I have three teenage girls but for now, motherhood doesn't get any better than this!

Conversion

Ever since Jim joined the church he has always referred to one specific quote.  And I always loved it too.  I remember it hung on the wall of our neighbor's house when we lived in Idaho so whenever I would go over their I would see and stare at it.

I would certainly like to say I can always keep this in mind but I'll admit that it's hard right now.  I want to hold my head high and proclaim from the mountaintops that I'm strong enough to handle anything that comes my way, but that's now how I feel right now.

Right now I feel like crying...in a corner...in the fetal postion....with a carton of cookies and cream ice cream.

This year it looks like will be one of the hardest of my life...yep, one of the hardest.  Putting it out there.  I'm fighting every day to just live in the moment and enjoy the smell of a baby's head, the strange vocabulary of Caelan and the perma-smile of Ainsley but I'm struggling with that.

I'm aware of how blessed I am but I'm also reminded daily of what has been ripped away me, peace of mind and a the ability to believe in the goodness of human beings.

On that note, I may be going private again so if you weren't added last time be sure to let me know if you want an invite.  Even if you're just a lurker and want an invite, just let me know. 

Epiphany

I'm quite certain I do NOT want to be a Relief Society president, like EVER.

But I want to the be the kind of person that COULD be capable of that kind of calling.

I think I'm going to work on some goal setting this week.

Beautiful Babies

Coo Coo

I love baby talk! She doesn't smile a whole lot yet but she is just so stinkin' happy. She's so mellow. She reminds me a lot of Ainsley as a baby. She's just happy to be alive and what else matters?

I feel extremely blessed to have the three little girls that I have (and the fabulous Jorden). I had that epiphany yesterday. My children are amazing. They fight when I want them to be quiet, they giggle and tease when it's time to go to bed, they want ice cream at dinner time, but they are truly wonderful little girls.

Ainsley is the sweetest, happiest, most helpful little girl I could have asked for.

Caelan might not be as sweet or happy all the time, but the girl knows how to have fun for sure and she can ALWAYS make us laugh.

I'm not sure what Quinn has in store for us but being a blessing that came into this world when we didn't think we would venture into babyhood again, I'm sure she has a divine place and I can't wait to find out what it is and where she fits with the other beautiful spirits that live in this house.

Trials and Tribulations

Sometimes in life we are sent obstacles that have the potential to destroy us...and not only ourselves as individuals but our families, marriages, friendships and even our faith.

Sometimes in life these obstacles sent to destroy us can turn out to be a turning point. A pivotal moment that makes us question EVERYTHING, families, marriages, friendships and yes, even faith.

I was recently presented with one such obstacle, a moment, a split second where my life could take a turn that could define me for eternity. At that moment I heard my Heavenly Father whisper in my ear exactly what I would do with this moment and I will let it define me in a way that makes me proud to be a Child of God.

I'm very proud of my husband for the love that he has shown me and my children in the last few weeks as we figured out how to deal with a new way of living and thinking. He is vital to the well being of my family, both spiritually and physically and he surprised me with his strength and his ability to remain on the right path no matter how hard it will be for us.

I'm still at a loss most of the time as to how to be the best I need to be for my family and my children but I know that for now there are two things I know for certain.

1. My husband loves me and my children and only wants the best for us.

2. My Heavenly Father loves me and my children and only wants the best for us.

As long as I remember those two things, everything will be okay. No matter what happens today, tomorrow, or for the rest of our short time on this earth, we know who we are, we know what is true and so does Heavenly Father and really, nothing else matters.